


Doused and Confused

by justanexercise



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 07:58:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3201539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanexercise/pseuds/justanexercise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sex pollen is the work of overly active imaginations and porn industries, except it's real and very much deadly. SHIELD of course has the correct forms for when such occurrences come up. Some agents should've taken this form seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doused and Confused

**Author's Note:**

> I've written a terrible trope, I would be sorry, but screw that.

 

Maria Hill has been through SHIELD’s worst crises and none of them can match the incredulous nature of this.

“Did you just say sex pollen Captain Rogers?” she asks after a pause.

“Yes Commander.”

Maria pinches the bridge of her noise and swallows the deep sigh threatening to be released. “Who’s been infected?”

“Black Widow took the brunt of it, she’d been the first one in the room before it sealed off.”

“Medical team have her stats yet?”

“Yes, hold on.”

Maria pulls up the Black Widow’s file on her tablet before she can find the section, another agent is on.

“Commander Hill, Black Widow is stabilized for now. She’s been strapped down. From the reports of the lab, the synthetic …well sex pollen, it’s affecting her cardiovascular system.”

“Medical team is ready to decontaminate once you land.” Maria’s already sent the memo out as she’s speaking.

“There’s an issue. Either she succumbs to the effects of the drugs and well, achieves completion or her heart fails.”

Maria blinks. “What?”

“She has less than an hour Commander. It’s best to –“

“I know, we’ll be prepped. Anything else agent?”

“That’s all.”

“Good, Hill out.”

Maria mutes her comm and shakes her head. Give free reign to immature scientists and they come up with deadly sex pollen. HYDRA. She shakes her head. Maria goes back to Black Widow’s form, section 932 article 456, in the box is…

 ‘In the case of dubious sexual nature, the partner you prefer is Maria Hill.’

She tosses the tablet onto her table and groans. Natasha didn’t take this form seriously. She could go against protocol and order someone else to do it, hell any female or male in this building would kill for the chance to bed the Black Widow. Except she can’t. Even if Natasha jokingly put her name, she must follow protocols.

Maria loosens the knot of her tie. Well, she can scratch one thing off her bucket list she supposes.

After this, she’s making everyone update their intake forms.

-

They wheel Natasha into the room, still in restraints. One of their better medical wings equipped with superhuman resistant furniture and with all CCTV disconnected, in case Stark has the brilliant idea to capture this all on tape. No way to monitor them.

Maria clears the wing they’re in, only her, Natasha and the remote in her hands. She braces herself and goes in, letting the door beep shut behind her. She checks her watch, 15 minutes according to Agent Simmons’s calculation. She looks towards the display at the wall, Natasha’s heartbeat and blood pressure is spiking. The indicator for the infection level is up to capacity.

“Natasha,” Maria says, edging around the stretcher.

“Maria?” Natasha croaks, lifting her head and pulling at her restraints.

Loosening her tie, she slips it off and undoes the top four buttons on her shirt. Natasha stares wide eyed with more than just curiosity, she licks her lips and bites back a moan.

Maria says. “Next time, take your forms seriously.”

Natasha nods automatically. Maria will bring this up again when Natasha is actually clear headed. Maria rolls back the cuffs of her oxford shirt, takes off her wrist watch and places it on a table and toes off her heels. She breathes in deep, centers herself and taps the button to release Natasha.

In the next few seconds, Natasha sits up, sheds her field suit and pulls Maria in between her legs, her hands going straight to Maria’s hair and tugging her in with an open mouthed kiss. Natasha takes Maria’s hand and guides it between her legs, hissing once Maria touches her and her hand goes back up to Maria’s hair, tugging it. Maria scrunches her face at how fast Natasha orgasms, within a few seconds of stroking her. Whatever they put into Natasha’s blood, it’s affecting her, badly.

Maria rubs her through the high, not stopping even as Natasha goes through her second orgasm. Natasha’s thighs clamp around Maria as she keeps coming, her scream echoing off the walls. Leaning her forehead against Natasha’s, Maria holds Natasha’s waist. The heat radiating off Natasha’s skin concerns her.

“Better?” Maria asks.

Natasha nods, giving Maria a few quick kisses before opening her eyes. “Yea. Blood isn’t boiling anymore.”

She looks at Natasha’s medical screen up on the wall. Blood pressure is lowering, infection level is down. No longer threatening to kill Natasha.

Maria rubs Natasha’s hip. “Ready?”

Licking her lips, Natasha hops off the stretcher, pulling Maria along with her until she’s sitting on the bed with Maria straddling her. Natasha nips at her lips with every other kiss and Maria’s breath hitches in her throat. She’d always known Natasha would be a good kisser. Natasha starts to push at her shoulders, urging her down and Maria takes the hint, sucking Natasha’s nipple and kissing down her body.

“Mouth, now,” Natasha commands, already lifting her hips and dragging Maria’s head down between her legs.

In any other situation, Maria would take her time, inhale the scent of an aroused woman, tease a bit here and there, but with Natasha practically shoving herself into her face, Maria dives in. She slides her hands under Natasha’s butt and lifts her up, stiffening her tongue and shoving it in and out of Natasha. She’s already wet from her previous orgasms, it smears across Maria’s mouth, down her chin and more keeps coming.

Natasha’s fist curls in Maria’s short hair, clenching and yanking. “Yes,” Natasha hisses. She fucks Maria’s face, even after Maria gets her off with her tongue; Natasha doesn’t let up and continues to grind against her. Natasha’s body rolls and shudders. She’s lost count of how many times Maria’s made her come with her mouth.

Digging her fingers into Natasha’s thighs, Maria spreads her legs and tugs her closer. Her mouth sucking at Natasha’s clit, tonguing her and using just a hint of teeth. Natasha jackknifes up, clutching at Maria’s head, her breathing speeds up, jaw dropping in a silent scream. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” pants Natasha. She flops onto the bed, spent.

Maria nuzzles the top of Natasha’s inner thigh, pressing a few open mouthed kisses and looks again at the screen on the wall. Everything appears to be normal, almost, the infection level is still teetering on 5%. Hovering on all fours over Natasha’s body, Maria pushes her hair away from her forehead and presses a damp kiss there.

“Better?” she asks.

Natasha cracks open one eye, grabs Maria’s shirt, crinkling the fabric under her fists and pulls her down for a sloppy kiss. Maria gasps, eyes rolling to the back of her head. Licking into Natasha’s mouth, she braces a hand next to Natasha’s head and gives as good as she gets.

“Don’t think you’re in danger of dying anymore,” Maria says.

Natasha shakes her head. “Just one more.”

Maria turns to look at the screen, but Natasha holds her chin.

“One more,” she repeats.

“Okay,” Maria nods. With her free hand she slides it down Natasha’s abs, taking her time to rub her thumb on the fine hairs trailing down her lower stomach. Maria starts to move down, except Natasha holds onto her neck.

“No,” Natasha orders. “Stay.” She closes her eyes and gently knocks her forehead against Maria’s.

Combing her fingers through Natasha’s damp pubic hair, she finds Natasha’s hard clit, teasing it between her fingers. Natasha hums under her and relaxes. Maria keeps the gentle rhythm, biting her lip whenever she feels Natasha’s clit jump. Noticing the impatient look in Natasha’s eyes, Maria quickly licks her own fingers as Natasha whines at no longer being touched. She puts her hand back down, slipping her fingers inside Natasha.

Natasha smiles gratefully and drops her head on the pillow, tossing it back and forth as Maria strums her fingers inside. Her arm burns as it struggles to hold her weight up. Maria memorizes the pleasured expressions straining across Natasha’s face. She shakes her head. No. This isn’t right. Maria squeezes her eyes shut and hurries her arm, pistoning in two fingers.

“Holy shit,” Natasha hisses at the sudden change of speed. Her legs go around Maria’s waist, muscle spasms shaking the entire bed.

Maria blows air out of her mouth. Fuck. Natasha’s clamping on her fingers so hard. She wiggles her fingers teasingly that sends Natasha into another orgasm. Maria regrettably removes her fingers then, wiping her fingers on the damp sheet under them. She lifts her body up to give Natasha some breathing room, but Natasha just wraps her limbs around her in a death grip, so Maria rolls them both over, arms slinging over Natasha’s waist and shoulder.

Natasha makes a pleased noise in the back of her throat and pushes her nose against Maria’s neck. Feeling a chill even with her clothes on, Maria rubs her hands on Natasha’s rapidly cooling sweaty body. She finds the blanket with her toes and pulls it the rest of the way up with her hands.

Closing her eyes for a much needed rest, Maria sighs. Out of everything that’s happened today, cuddling Natasha Romanoff is by far the craziest thing.

-

The following week, Maria has her assistants scrambling to find all the Avengers to update their forms. At the very real threat of ‘sex pollen’, Maria hates that term, they need to come up with a better name for it, she’s added several spots of back up partners.

“Commander Hill?” her assistant knocks on her door with a sheepish expression.

“Come in Agent Chang.”

“All the members of the Avengers team has updated their forms, but uh…” he pulls out his tablet and sends the file straight to hers. “Agent Romanoff’s not cooperating with the new rules.”

Maria steeples her fingers and stares at the withering agent under her gaze. “Not my problem Agent Chang, get her to properly fill it out.”

He swallows and struggles to not wipe the sweat beading on his eyebrows. “She said you’d…she…I…”

“Get it done.”

“Yes ma’am!” he salutes and runs off.

Picking up her tablet, Maria’s curiosity gets the best of her and she opens up the flagged portions of Natasha’s forms.

Oh great dubious sex portion.

Maria clenches her jaw and texts Natasha to come into her office, now. In less than a minute, Natasha strolls in with an impassive expression.

“Have a seat Agent Romanoff,” Maria gestures to the chair in front of her desk.

Natasha raises an eyebrow at the formalness but sits anyways. “What can I do for you Commander Hill?”

Sliding her tablet across the table, Maria glares at her. “Explain to me why you’re fucking around when you have firsthand experience on just how dangerous and serious this is.”

“I filled it out properly.” Natasha barely takes a glance at the forms before pushing the tablet back to Maria.

“It’s at least three different people in the case of sexual situations induced by circumstances of a dubious nature.”

Natasha hums and smirks.

Maria resists the urge to throw a stapler at her face. “You wrote my goddamn name three times Romanoff.”

“Technically –“

“You wrote my name,” Maria says through clenched teeth. “Writing it in different ways does not make it a different person.

“I think Commander Maria Hill, Agent Maria Hill and Maria Hill are three very separate people.”

“God just put two random names in too then and we can be done,” Maria says.

Natasha takes the tablet back, filling it in. “Will that be all Commander Hill?”

“If you’ve filled it out right, then yes.”

Natasha’s cheek ticks and Maria narrows her eyes. Maria takes the tablet back and reads it. “Goddamn it Romanoff,” she says into the room, but she already knows Natasha’s gone.

In lieu of Commander Maria Hill and Agent Maria Hill is now, Agent Moron and Commander Get a Clue.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

She finds out what that means at the end of the day when a note gets sent via arrow straight to her desk from the air vent. Maria presses a button on her computer that sends knockout gas into the vents and hears the satisfying thunk of a certain archer fall on his head. She’ll have Agent Chang fish him out as punishment for being utterly useless in tracking down Natasha.

Picking up the note she blinks.

_To Commander Get a Clue,_

_Dinner at 7?_

_-NR_

Maria blinks. Oh. Huh. Maria smiles softly but shakes her head. Pulling out her phone she texts Natasha.

_To NR: I get off at 8._

_From NR: Fine, dinner at 8?_

_To NR: Sure. You still have to fill out your forms though._

_From NR: Sure thing Agent Moron._

_To NR: For that you’re paying._

_From NR: Jokes on you I’d already planned on that._

Maria puts her phone face down on her desk. Cracking her neck, she does her work a bit faster than normal, which means she finishes everything in lightning speed. A date with Natasha Romanoff, she amends her weekly status, this is the most bizarre thing to happen.


End file.
